This is post number 30. I feel like it should be real. My mind is racing but with nothing specific.

Today, I watched many movies on netflix. They depeicted elaborate love stories, happiness and longtime friendship. They showed heartbreak, and sadness, and death. I'm left with an intense feeling of melancholy. I envy those sweet awkward first relationships and I sympathize with the ending of relationships. I can't quite relate to all of it, or well, any of it.

I talk about how much high school sucks a lot. I guess it isn't all true. Sometimes I think it's completely false. I just can't wait to meet new and exciting people. Don't get me wrong, I love most of the people I hang out with now, I just need more variety. I need the freedom that comes with college. I'm sick of having my life completely planned out. Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a planner. The outcome always needs to be calculated for me. I need to experiment.

Why are teenagers such douchebags? We're jealous, greasy, immature, and full of hormones. None of that seems pleasant to me. I just can't wait to be grown up and have a life. Partying doesn't seem fun and exciting to me, I'm straight edge and socially awkward. I do love being around people that I know and am comfortable around, though.

I just keep hoping for something better.